Boarding school kids are groomed to believe their success in life will correlate directly to how many hours they spend studying, and are thus utterly fascinated by prescription drugs that enhance academic performance. Never viewed as a shortcut or an excuse to be lazy, but rather students feel they have enhanced upon their already well-developed intellect and are thus catapulted ahead on the path to success.
A remarkable sight that occurs a few Saturday mornings each year is the SAT. Droves of students who should be shuffling their feet and suppressing yawns are instead abound with energy and optimism. Each and every one appears to have an insatiable desire to get to the test and begin. No one shows sign of worry or anxiety, because each and every student present is running on ambition that was fabricated in a lab and then marketed to parents who feared their children’s seemingly limitless energy.
Everyone knows the kid on campus that can hook you up with Adderall. He arrived as a meek 14 year old, emotionally stunted from years of taking the medication himself at the direction of his mother. Finding little in common with his peers, he soon turned to buying their appreciation through providing them with the elusive drug that turn the smart into prodigies. ‘Drug deals’ often consist of said dealer trying to convince you to stay and play Halo Campaign with him, but you inevitably have something urgent to do.
No prep schooler in their right mind will ever admit to purposefully avoiding work. Typically there is something of greater importance, such as the most recent episode of Entourage, or a friend who needs help smoking a joint, which will provide good reason for procrastination. However, this form of indolence is not thought of as work, and is more of an instinctual response to meaningful activities. When prep schoolers find themselves in a time crunch is when you see the true extent of their ingenuity.
Forged notes from parents are useless in the boarding school environment, so outside-the-box thinking is required. If a paper is due, laptops are hidden and the police are called to report stolen property. After hours at the precinct filling out paperwork, a police report is handed to the teacher in question in place of the paper. Ingeniously, the paper has been pushed back to a later date due to the fact that it resided on the suddenly missing laptop, and as a bonus, sympathy points are won for the poor student who was the victim of such a malicious crime.
Prep schoolers will go to amazing lengths to get out of the most menial assignments. It plays to the ego, doing more for the sake of inconveniencing others. It’s not so much about the quantity of the work that needs to be done, so much as the fact that getting out of it can be done. It’s a testament to the fact that they can play the system, do the work later, and come out on top.
I know there are some of you reading this who have never even heard of croakies. Well let me tell you, croakies refers to the band, rope, twine, what have you, that connects to your sunglasses to hold them when you are not wearing them.
Croakies are in fact, the most vain accessory one can own. Why? Because they literally hold no value except of course in displaying your sunglasses when you have no need for them.
If you go to an elite prep school, there is very little selection when purchasing your croakies. To wear your croakies means to let everyone know just how often you frequent the islands. And by islands, I mean Nantucket or Martha’s Vineyard. Maybe you stopped in at The Black Dog on your last visit to the vineyard, or maybe you docked in Nantucket just to run into Vineyard Vines. Either way, you now have a bearing on who will understand when you try to explain, in humble earnestness, just how big the swells got while sailing to Bermuda with the fam this past summer.
Croakies offer the most assistance to outsiders trying to decipher a situation. From first glance, it will appear as though this young man is wearing some sort of choking device. In fact, he has hung his sunglasses down his back, leaving the croaky band around his neck. You might ask, “How do you stand out when everyone is wearing the same thing?” Well, by actively making himself uncomfortable, this individual has succeeded in making you stop and stare at him. He, you can be assured, plays lacrosse.