Lacrosse

“I’m gonna have so much money my grandkids are gonna to play lacrosse. Lacrosse, Liz Lemon.” – Tracy Jordan, 30 Rock

Lacrosse is one of the last, pure ways of saying ‘I have excessive amounts of money’. It’s a hobby that demands a lot of time and money, while it holds no promise of fame and fortune. However, being a lacrosse player earns you a place in a select group of one per centers.

As noted above, lacrosse does not lead to a fiscally stable career, and because of this, rather than being an investment in the future, it is simply an investment in carefree competition. Having enough money to make it pointless to compare financial standings, these parents love to buy their childs way into a sport that will pit them against other affluent children in a battle for nothing more than bragging rights.

Now that’s not to say there is nothing to gain from being the best lacrosse player. Colleges love nothing more than lacrosse players (well perhaps rowers), because they value commitment to particular niches that will in no way benefit you after college. All prestigious colleges across America seem to see selflessness where others might be inclined to see a great deal of wasted time.

The biggest irony of all is the fact that those kids longest exposed to lacrosse are most likely to win the prestigious full-ride scholarships to some of the best colleges in the country. If you can make one assumption about lacrosse players, it’s that they don’t need that blessed money. However, parents will croon and turn a blind eye to the fact that they just robbed some unknown soul somewhere of higher education.

You will see the successful few who played college lacrosse at the division 1 level, gathered around a table at the Cornell Club, trying to work out with one another the mystery that still haunts them today: why did their parents condition them to be the best in a niche that serves no purpose but to flaunt status?

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