I know there are some of you reading this who have never even heard of croakies. Well let me tell you, croakies refers to the band, rope, twine, what have you, that connects to your sunglasses to hold them when you are not wearing them.
Croakies are in fact, the most vain accessory one can own. Why? Because they literally hold no value except of course in displaying your sunglasses when you have no need for them.
If you go to an elite prep school, there is very little selection when purchasing your croakies. To wear your croakies means to let everyone know just how often you frequent the islands. And by islands, I mean Nantucket or Martha’s Vineyard. Maybe you stopped in at The Black Dog on your last visit to the vineyard, or maybe you docked in Nantucket just to run into Vineyard Vines. Either way, you now have a bearing on who will understand when you try to explain, in humble earnestness, just how big the swells got while sailing to Bermuda with the fam this past summer.
Croakies offer the most assistance to outsiders trying to decipher a situation. From first glance, it will appear as though this young man is wearing some sort of choking device. In fact, he has hung his sunglasses down his back, leaving the croaky band around his neck. You might ask, “How do you stand out when everyone is wearing the same thing?” Well, by actively making himself uncomfortable, this individual has succeeded in making you stop and stare at him. He, you can be assured, plays lacrosse.